Ang Kakabagong Diksyunaryong Pilipino: Metal Detektor

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Ang Kakabagong Diksyunaryong Pilipino: Kleptospirosis

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Kung Anu-Anong Kauululan sa Loob at Labas ng UV Express VI: Saan Yun?

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“Sigurado ka bang dito sa Pilipinas yan?” Photo from the-stenzels.com

“Uhmm, (kunot ng noo sabay kamot ng ulo) saan yun?”

Siguradong mapapakamot ka ng ulo kung bagito kang taxi, bus, o jeepney driver sa Kamaynilaan at narinig mo kung saan magpapahatid ang ilang pasahero sayo.

Wala kang ideya kung saan yung sinasabi nila? Wag kang mag-alala amigo dahil para sa’yo kung bakit ko naisulat ‘to.

At kung isa ka namang commuter kagaya ko, ay di ka na magugulat pa at mangu-ngunot noo kapag narinig mo ang mga ilalahad kong lugar.

PAALALA: WAG KANG TATAWA NG MALAKAS kapag narinig mo ang mga ito habang may nagbabayad ng pamasahe dahil baka irapan ka ni ate o di kaya’y umbagin ka ni kuya. Kaya kung sensitibo ang iyong pandinig ay pigilan mo ang tumawa kapag marinig mo ang mga to:

Sikihor – katabi ng SM Manila

Is im – katabi ng sikihor

Flad wi – malapit sa Rosario at tulay sa Ortigas Avenue

Pidru Hel – kalye malapit sa PGH

Theft – kung saan dumadaan ang LRT Line 1

“O yupiyupiyupiyupi!!” – sigaw ng mga barker sa sakayan ng jeep sa kanto ng Marcos Hi-Way at Katipunan

Git wi – katabi ng Farmers Plaza sa Cubao

Shoo – Crossing ang tawag kapag nag-intersect na sa EDSA

Sige na, i-type mo na sa comment section sa baba yung gusto mong idagdag at alam kong may naiisip ka pa 😀

Ang Kakabagong Diksyunaryong Pilipino: Kleptomanyak

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Sino Ang Tatay ni Anne Cortez?

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Sige nga hulaan mo kung sino tatay ni Anne Cortez? Photo from http://www.philstar.com

Design engineers kami noon ng ABS-CBN para sa kanilang mga communication towers sa dati kong kumpanya. Dahil dito ay madalas sina Brader Louie at Angkallu (Mark) sa engineering office sa loob mismo ng compound ng ABS-CBN. Normal na pangyayari na para sa kanila ang makakita ng mga artistang kapamilya. Katunayan ay nakasama na nilang magpalitrato si Karylle at si Vice Ganda.

Isang gabi ay nadatnan kami nina Angkallu at ni Brader Louie sa opisina galing ABS. Parehas silang di mapigilan ang pagtawa.

“Alam nyo ba si Brader Louie,” bungad sa amin ni Angkallu habang hirap na hirap niyang pinipigilan ang paghagalpak.

“Gago ka sir Mark,” natatawang umiiling-iling nalang si Brader.

“Sabi ni Brader sakin,” pilit pinipigilan ni Angkallu ang pagtawa para magkwento “ ‘sir Mark, sir Mark nakita ko si Anne Cortez!’ SINO SINO?! Sabi ko kay Brader, SI ANNE CORTEZ?! YUNG ANAK NI REZ CORTEZ?!”

Nanlambot kaming lahat sa kakatawa hanggang sa sumakit ang mga tyan at nangilid ang mga luha namin.

Poor Man’s Humor

 In the Jay Leno Show:

 angmamangenhinyero: I have a sense of humor.

 Jay Leno: Hahahaha, that’s wickedly hilarious! (Background roaring with laughter)…

 -0-0-

Life was hard when I was a child. It still is. In order for me to avert lunacy with the mumble and jumble of design work, family, and beautiful women who don’t care when I glance at them is writing and humor, in any way. It works as a good balm and therapy.

 Thankfully, I have a gold mine rich with memories of old timers and their jokes. Talking to elderly people had been a comfort for me because of their ability to listen and to share stories that relax the nerves, titillate the intellect, and tickle the funny bones.

 My dad calls it the poor man’s humor or the “isturya ti awan ti kwarta na” in the Ilokano dialect. It consists of life’s realities, puns, and green jokes which I will be telling hungry young ears soon.

 My story or puns might not be new. Some were born ahead of me or had been circulated for who knows how long. Although it can’t be denied that even old ones are still good that they can even bring back the slightest smile.

 I couldn’t help myself laughing even while inside a public utility vehicle when it hits me. I want to share these. Maybe it will ring a bell somewhere:

 1. Jaguar – interchanged syllables for gwardiya or security guard. Told by a safety aide called Mang Jess during one lazy night on our water tank project in Antipolo.

 2. S.P.O-10 – Get it? While working as a site engineer, a foreman of ours, foreman Jim referred to a security guard in our project site while smirking.

 3. Kuanso – someone whose name is unknown and you’re referring to him. Tatay once hired a carpenter to make a cabinet below the kitchen sink and he told me that he was kuanso, because he forgot his name. The name stuck ‘till now. I don’t know how he came up with the word.

 4. The King of Spin and the City of Grace – maybe I was 10 years old or below when a close relative told me this story (polluting a young mind? Haha, maybe.)

 A small boy bathed with his father and they’re both naked.

 “What’s that dad?” the boy asked his dad referring to his genitalia.

 “Oh, that’s the king of spin.”

 The same boy asked his mother the same question when they took a bath together.

 “It’s the city of grace, son.”

 One time, the boy caught his father and mother about to “go in for the kill.” The boy shouted, “Hail to the King of Spin entering the City of Grace!”

 5.  Electrical – another close relative again, holding an electrical socket told me, “this is a female plug” while holding a plug in one hand ”this is a male plug”. My mom quickly butted-in, “What are you telling him?!”

 6. The Associate – something I learned from a former boss at a project management company. He told us that when we go for a joint venture with a partner or principal, don’t allow yourself to be called an associate because it’s either you’re the aso (dog) or the shit. Maybe the same reason he left the managing partner because he was the associate partner. Sweet!

 7. Awan ti adda – tatay’s cosmic wisdom, which translates to “be content with what you have because we have nothing.” When I was tempted to envy a neighbor because of what they had, tatay would tell me awan ti adda. When I ask him what are we going to have for dinner, he would say, awan ti adda.

 8. Tatay: Nanay’s conqueror – tatay would always brag about how he became a conqueror in his own right. He said he conquered the most elusive lady in the world – my nanay. Tatay said that my mom was “super sungit” that other suitors will leave my mom alone and never continue to court her.

 But things were different with tatay. He told me that when my mom saw him it was like “kasla nakakita ti salamagi a pakkawen, agas ti tabbelen” (as if my mom saw a ripened tamarind which is totally irresistible) and he would burst out laughing.

Tatay was regularly relating it in the mornings, afternoons, or in the evening while he sips his tea.  “Tay, this is the nth time you told me that story,” referring to his monologue. And we would laugh until there were tears in our eyes as we couldn’t stop laughing.

9. Pan de Pira – a bakery acquired by a local hero, Panday Pira, who was acknowledged as “The First Filipino Cannon-maker”. Ok, that’s not part of the country’s history. That came from no other than me! Haha. I was getting hungry one night at the office and I went out foraging for anything edible to fuel me to stand the overtime required for our value-engineering exercises. And lo and behold, with a heavenly light surrounding it, Pan de Manila shines in the corner!

Alright, there you have it. Laugh your heart out. It might be your last – laugh of the hour. Joke!