Feeling Lazy Is Not An Option

It’s not that someone’s really incapacitated, nor lacks the proper talent to do the things that he wants to do.

Oftentimes, he’s just too lazy to do it.

– Angmamangenhinyero

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Beast Mode By Default

“Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might…” Ecclesiastes 9:10 NIV

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When the above verse was written thousands of years ago, it was not meant to be an adverb of manner attached on evil deeds.

If we’re going to do something, anything worthwhile, the Bible instructs us to do it, not sparingly, half-heartedly, absent-mindedly, or half-assed.

The mandate is clear: DO IT WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT!

Translating it to modern times, this just means being

“Beast Mode by Default”

I exhort everyone to live by this.

Demos, Chronos, Theos

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Minus the self, success on almost everything in this life depends on the unanimous agreement of these trio (enumerated below including the reflection on my blogging):

  1. Demos (Greek word for people) – I may have the best ideas on my blog but if I don’t resonate with the people I’m writing to, I’m just going to be a “certain blogger out there in the blogosphere” – completely forgotten and unknown.
  2. Chronos (Greek word for time) – I might resonate with the people but if it’s not the right time, my writing would be oblivious and just a random blabber.
  3. Theos (Greek word for God) – I might have the best timing and the right audience but if God gives it a thumbs down, then I’ll just be the random dude with a random blog and nothing more.

And by the looks of it, in terms of blog traffic, I might just be that random blog you are currently reading. But ‘till then, I’ll just keep on writing.

ありがとうございます.

“In art, the hand can never execute anything higher than the heart can imagine.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

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The heart and the mind leave different impressions… photo from pinterest.com

“In art, the hand can never execute anything higher than the heart can imagine.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Are You Afraid of The Dark?

Because only in the dark and silence can you find you.

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Photo from day-light.deviantart.com

Are you terrified of the dark,
Where your sense of sight is useless?
Where instead of piercing light you see pitch black?
Are you freaking out at the thought that someone or something will grab your hands there,
And talk to you?
And that you can do nothing but listen?

Are you afraid of the silence,
Because you equate silence with sadness?
Because you think it’s tantamount to misery?
Are you afraid of the stillness,
Where you’ll feel you’ve fallen to the abyss?
Dreading that silence commensurates to dysphoria?

Are you scared of the dark and silence?

Don’t be.

Because in the pitch black, someone will touch you: it’s your own soul.

Because in the dark, someone will speak to you: it’s that voice from your heart that you hushed for so long.

Because in silence, another voice will be heard. Unadulterated. Consistent. In perfect sense: it is YOUR own voice.

Because afraid as you are of the dark and silence, there is that perfect peace. Peace that you’ll never find in the most crowded places. Not in the place where the lights shine their brightest . Not in the place of blaring sounds.

Because only in the dark and silence can you find you.

How Writing Benefitted This Man Right Here (My Thumbs Pointing at Me)

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Photo from pinterest.com

For writers, writing is just the beginning of self discovery and it would take a lifetime uncovering that package handed to us called “life”. I’m still in the process of unpacking and it is through writing that I am making sense for all these. Writing has been one of my meditations that calm the storm and make the view clearer. How? Read below:

  1. The power of affirmation. I was able to hush that bastard who continuously reminds me that I’m a wretched and a good-for-nothing man (for a longer amount of time at least). What you tell yourself repeatedly will become you, so when I write, I try to write only the things that I want to become. Writing has become for me then a manifestation of having the balls to commit to changing myself for the better by printing my words for everyone to see.
  2. You’re mastering your craft and yourself at the same time. I was not just able to brush up with grammar and other creative ways to express my ideas though the written words. The man in the mirror became clearer. And in my case, the man is an alpha who’s actively engaged in forging the future of my sons; a bloodied, war-hardened samurai warrior who had become more confident and wiser beside my woman; and a human being trying his best to be a good man and friend. I was able to uncover that man by continuous writing.
  3. You continuously improve and reinvent yourself. I am able identify continuously which part of me needs to go, which needs enhancement and what needs to stay. I’ve also made progress in breaking the monotony and expanding myself in a way that every part of me resonates with my whole self.
  4. You become more definite of yourself and the things that you want. Because you want it no matter how hard it will be to achieve, you will have it. And if it’s really meant for you, it will stick like hell and you’ll prove it from time to time until they become a part of you and they’ll eventually be you.
  5. You become one with yourself. My million miles of isolation from myself is being bridged inch by inch with every word I write. Where there were fragments scattered all around, writing glues them all forming them into a one big picture of myself.
  6. You graduate from being a Grinch to being thankful for all the blessings great and small; you appreciate the small stuff you often take for granted. This is a life changer for me. Hope it does the same to you.

“Sir, I’ve Come to Tell You I’d Marry Your Daughter…”

Please don’t take it against me if I say that there’s something more frightening than being here in front of you right now – and that is to live my life without Yen.

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“Cheers man, er I mean dad… Uhm, can I call you dad now?” Photo from blog.styleweddingscabo.com

I come in peace sir. I did not come to stir trouble, albeit I cannot guarantee that I can leave your emotions untouched.

I must admit that you’ve done one hell of a job raising Yen sir. She’s intelligent, spontaneous, lovely, responsible, emphatic, and very passionate with what she does. I know she was and still is your princess, and the way you treat her is like she’s the next best thing in life before life itself.

And so here I’ve come to tell you that she is now my princess and my life too. And this time I’d want her to be my queen.

I know you have been dreading that a day would come when a whacko would come to face a multi-decorated life veteran like yourself and ask for his daughter’s hand in marriage.

And yes sir the day has come and that day is today. And I am that whacko in front of you.

I’d have to hold her responsible for what I’ve become though. I‘d say that it’s pretty much her fault I became that whacko because she turned my life around. I’m not a drifter before we met but I’d say that things went falling in their right places when I met her and I can’t believe what I’m actually seeing that I thought I was going crazy.

Turns out yes, I’ve become crazy. I am totally crazy about her.

Yen’s the answer to my prayers sir and I know deep within that I would end up in an insane asylum if she doesn’t become my lifetime friend and partner and the mother of my children.

She had been my saving grace and my last reason to keep believing when there’s nothing left to believe in. Sure she can get overbearing sometimes, nagging, and ultra critical but I’d still want to marry that part of her nonetheless.

I feel fear as of this moment sir. Not because I’ve done or I’m about to do anything wrong to her, but because of the thought that I’d have to meet her hero in person.

But please don’t take it against me if I say that there’s something more frightening than being here in front of you right now – and that is to live my life without Yen. And as such I decided to muster every ounce of courage in me to face you and the entire army before you and ask you to please accompany Yen to exchange vows with me in front of the altar.

I love Yen so much sir. She means my life to me. She is and will always be the embodiment of joy in this world. She’s the one who proved to me that love is more than just an ideal concept portrayed by media and printed on paper. And nothing of these would have been possible without you showing her first the essence of love and what it means to be loved when she was yet a little darling in your arms.

Please allow me to love her for a lifetime sir. Please allow me to be a part of your circle that protects her, loves her, cherishes her, and nurtures her wonderful unique personality.

I am looking forward to seeing traces of you on our mini-versions that will fill our humble home with love and laughter. I would also like to ask you sir to please help me become a good father to our future children just like how you are right now with her.

Would you please say yes, sir? Dad, please?

Someday You’ll Make A Great Mom…

“I deeply regret it my son;
But you will never be that man…”

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“I deeply regret it my son;
But you will never be that man…”

Someday you’ll make a great mom –
With your wit and practical sense
A natural born mother who’ll hush her child
When the world is too loud,
They will hear your silent songs
And be lulled in peace and love
As much as when I felt defeated already
You would point to another side of reality
And what seemed to be a glaring check mate
Would be my most triumphant escape.

Someday you’ll make a great mom –
For you are passionate, yet has a love so tender
I know our children will be filled
With your hugs and kisses so sweet.
Such as when you looked at me like I am all there is
And the way you got jealous of my acquaintances
The way you said you’d give your all without any hesitation
For the love of your life which God has given.

Someday you’ll make a great mom –
With your lovely sense of humor
You would make the kids’ heart light,
When things are gloomy your wits will burn bright,
That will drive away the blackest of the night
As such is the way you instill in my face a genuine smile
Reversing it from all the gloom and wry…

Someday you’ll make a great mom –
Yes it turned out true
As I look at you along with your daughter and son.
How you did it I will never know;
But this I believe much so:
That you had been and still is a great mom
And a loving wife beside the most blessed man
That even as I pleaded with the heavens for you beforehand
Which He heard and the Lord He did respond:
“I deeply regret it my son;
But you can never be that man…”

First Love Never Dies (Insert The Law of Thermo-Love-Dynamics Here)

And since the “we” that we once were is already a thing of the past, may I say that you were my first love? Yes you were my first love.

And first love never dies.

Yes, that love never died Donna. It just obeyed the law of thermo-love-dynamics: Love is neither created nor destroyed. It just transcends one form to another.

Hi Donna,

I can’t believe I’m finally writing you this after almost two decades now.

So hello 🙂

I must say I’m excited to know how you’ve been doing, and to know how you sound and how you look like now. Do you still have that lovely bangs? And of course that dimple that I will never forget!

Haha! Hey I don’t mean anything ok? I’m just a buddy here wishing you’re all safe and alright.

So where can I start? Let me just recall…

The school year was ‘98-’99 way back in high school. I was a junior then and you were a senior. Man am I so happy when you became my first girlfriend! I really didn’t expect you to give me a resounding “yes” to be honest. But thank you for giving me a chance. It had been a month right? Thank you so much for that wonderful month.

I just had a lot of worries back then. I don’t know how long I can keep you interested and hopefully “in love”. But yeah things turned the way they did. I was just a boy back then with a fragile heart and mind, and you telling me that it was all over for reasons I can’t figure out was a bit too much for me to swallow at that time.

And I’m really sorry when you saw me one time throwing up and all over because of too much alcohol that they had to sit me on a bicycle to take me to my boarding house. Hahaha! I may not have known how you felt that time but I’m sure it’s everything but fitting for a lovely lady to feel.

It’s all on me don’t worry. There’s only myself to blame. I’m really sorry. I was very immature and a very clingy boyfriend – a nightmare for any young lady I’d guess. And it was my first time to drink actually. Nobody told me that Gilbey’s and lime is not to be sipped at the same rate as downing soda.

After that, there had been total silence in between us. Social media wasn’t yet in its full bloom back then and so I really got excited that seven years later, you surprised me with a call (you even shared me the good news that you were 3 months pregnant) to offer your condolences when tatay died in July 2006. I really appreciate your effort for calling me at a time when we were in bereavement and trying to cope from our loss. And I’m really surprised and happy that you remembered me.

And by the way, you were able to meet tatay while he was still alive and kicking right? And may I also take this opportunity to apologize if you were somewhat embarrassed when he called you his manugang (daughter in law). Hahaha! Either he was in a good mood or he just wanted to break the ice, so I apologize 🙂

I’d like you to know that I don’t feel contempt or rage or anything like that over what happened in the past. I’ll say it again, it’s all my fault. So I am sending you my deepest apologies for all the inconveniences I might have caused you when there was an “us”.

Things might not have worked back then but I believe God had been very loving to both of us that He blessed us with more than what our minds can conceive. You have your man and a bundle (bundles?) of joy and I have a loving wife and 2 cool kids. And by the way I really do hope that you’re all ok. I’m praying that you all are.

I’m just excited to know how you’re doing now. And if I’ll be able to see a current photo of you then that would be a big, big bonus.

And since the “we” that we once were is already a thing of the past, may I say that you were my first love? Yes you were my first love.

And first love never dies.

Yes, that love never died Donna. It just obeyed the law of thermo-love-dynamics: Love is neither created nor destroyed. It just transcends one form to another.

And that transcended to the “me” now, wishing for your happiness and the welfare of you and your family.

As I said earlier, this is me just saying hi and wishing that everything’s going on fine. A friend if you will…

And lastly, I just want to share you a timeless song below. This was the song that played for quite some time in my head when you were gone. And no, just forget about the lyrics hehehe…

 

‘Till here Donna. God bless 🙂

 

For love and rock & roll,

Angmamangenhinyero

To the Insane Woman Who I Want To Grow Old With

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Those who said you’re perfect are first class liars who just want to get to your pants.

Truth is, you’re not.

You can be a drag with your irrational demands. Your indifference at times pisses me off big time. Your silly antics occasionally put a palm on my face. And you can be very annoying with your drama.

It took a toll on my whole being. I became insane as well.

And because of that, it’s your face in the crowd that I see every day. You’re driving me nuts when you don’t return my messages and my phone calls. I have much of my worrying problems at work but I still torment myself by wondering whether you’re fine, whether you’re thinking of me too, or whether you’re feeling what I always intend to make you feel – safe, loved, and taken cared of.

And whether you’re still feeling the same way…

I should say that you’re not easy to handle. You’re too crazy, too independent, too strong, and exceptionally gifted that you always catch me waiving in the air trying to catch my thoughts in order to sustain your word war. And the way your smile shoves in my face the reality that I have lost every moment of the battle.

You can be totally insane…

But I guess no one can challenge the Most Insane Champion of the World – which is me for loving someone as insane as you. Strange as it is, it is what I love so much about you. You’ve set yourself apart from the rest. You’re a lone mountain to conquer with a terrain to your heart as random as hell itself.

But that’s a part of you that I will accept, love and cherish. Something that I will work hard for in order to innovate my responses and get us out of our own created circles. We’re both irons abounding with rough edges. It will take a lot of hard work, of sweat and blood, laughter and tears, to smoothen the surfaces and sharpen our edges.

But guess what baby? I won’t stop until we both fit perfectly together. Until we’re both smoothened by fire and friction. Until we both grow in years where we can laugh at our foolishness and silliness when we were young. Until I’m too old to take your hands and dance.

I wont promise you anything. I can’t.

What I will assure you is that I am not afraid of hard work.

Our journey will be filled with potholes, detours, and roadblocks. But I will work hard to earn my reward of being able to take you to the altar and grow old with you everyday as you become the beautifully insane mother, grandmother and great grandmother of the many children that we’ll have…

 

Photo from redheadnextdoor.com