Conspiracy Theory

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Photo from pinterest.com

Unless you’re a child or you are honing your craft then predictability is a necessity. Otherwise, being predictable has its own evil.

And this includes a predictable thought process.

I for one am a slave to this. And so this challenge of thinking the unthinkable get’s me out of my own created circle once in a while like a restart button to an unresponsive pc. Just like in the following conspiracy theories:

  1. The war in Mindanao, specifically in Marawi City is a way of the political enemies of President Duterte to get him dethroned – with the hand of US in the background.
  2. Or, can be a way of the president and his cronies to get something out of it, like the liberation of the whole Mindanao in exchange of something. Feel free to fill in the blanks.
  3. There is already a cure for cancer and all terminal diseases but they chose not to reveal it because of commercialism.
  4. Why can’t the Arab countries unite when they all basically have the same faith that forged an empire still as powerful as today? Some say that CIA is wreaking havoc to the existing foreign relations in the Middle East.
  5. Why is Africa left out in terms of development? Some say that Europeans are at work here because Africa also has a lot of oil reserves that can dictate the world market, much like the Middle East.
  6. The collapse of the Twin Towers on 9/11. As an engineer, I believe that the building being pulverized while crashing down is not the “correct” behavior. Only controlled demolition employing explosives can do that.

The list goes on and of course you can start adding to this from rationalizing that the behavior of your pesky neighbor is linked to the ISIS, to the belief that the Illuminati is leading the world to a who-knows-where destination.

But remember, this is meant only for mental calisthenics and not for anyone to be a self-made cynic. Believing that something good will come out of people and situations are still the best way forward.

And the strange thing is, when you think of it that way, the universe seems to conspire to make it happen THAT way.

Now that’s a conspiracy theory that rocks.

有村架純(ありむら·かすみ)

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何時か架純ちゃんが私の妻になる (いつか·かすみちゃん·が·わたし·の·つま·に·なる)

Ang Kakabagong Diksyunaryong Pilipino: Metal Detektor

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Praise Aleluya!

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“Jeez! What’s that word again?!” Photo from dreastime.com

A man is receiving instructions on how to navigate with his peculiar newly-bought horse.

“When you want it to move, say ‘Praise Aleluya!’ And to stop, say ‘Aamen’ got that?”

“Roger that,” said the man and shouted “praise aleluya” and got his horse galloping in no time.

“Aamen, Aamen,” the man said testing the “breaks” pulling the horse to a complete stop.

“Cool!” he muttered to himself.

And so the man, to his joy, traversed through the meadows with his horse lost in his thoughts about his good fortune, when he realized that he’s heading right straight to a 200-foot cliff.

Panic-stricken, the man desperately tried to remember the word for stop when suddenly he managed to shout “Aamen!” just in time for the horse to stop in it’s next step into the jagged rocks below.

“Whew!” cried the man in relief while holding high his right fist. “I know I count on You.

And I can never thank you enough Lord. PRAISE ALELUYA!!!”

Classified Ads

…Ideal for adrenaline junkies who’s too bored to live a peaceful and meaningful life and too lazy to kill themselves…

Seen in an entry in the classified ads section of a local broad sheet:

Looking for work? Be jobless no more!

Come and Join Any of the MAUTE GROUP OF COMPANIES:

  • Abu Sayyaf Group Inc. (Terrorism at Its Best!)
  • BIFF Holdings Inc. (Atrocity? Terrorism? ♪We Got Them All for You♫)
  • CPP-NPA-NDF and Partners (Guaranteed to Make War When There’s Peace)
  • MNLF Banking Corp. (Financing Your Way to Worldwide Terror)
  • MILF Inc. (The Maker of Quality Bombs)

A Proud Member of the ISIS International, Jemaah Islamiyah Global, and Al Qaeda World and funded by first world countries.

Benefits Include:

  1. Lifetime permanent employment status (♪you can check out anytime you like but you can never leave)
  2. Embedded wellness package: Lifetime hike in the woods
  3. Good compensation with monthly supply of ammos
  4. Instant worldwide fame: in the terrorist galleries of the Interpol, FBI, and NBI
  5. Gives worth to its employees with bounties reaching up to millions of dollars depending on the number of years’ experience
  6. Ideal for adrenaline junkies who’s too bored to live a peaceful and meaningful life and too lazy to kill themselves

Other benefits:

  • Physical training by world class trainers fresh from Syria, Malaysia, and Indonesia
  • Free course in Extremism 1 to Extremism 5
  • Free technical/vocational course in bomb making. No laboratory fees!

For inquiries, contact the following:

Isnilon “Toto, Toni” Totoni Hapilon or the Maute Big Brothers

Address: Sometimes Here St., Brgy. Sometimes There, Oftentimes Nowhere Province, Mindanao, Philippines

And/or

JOMA “Gwaping” SISON

Address: The Netherlands

Ang Kakabagong Diksyunaryong Pilipino: Kleptospirosis

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Facebook Doesn’t Pray For Us

Prayer should be done in a private room, inside a quiet mind or at church. Don’t pray in Facebook, you’re praying to a Higher Authority and not to your Facebook
friends. – Angmamangenhinyero

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Ang Pilipino Sa Makabagong Panahon (?)

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Ang larawan ay mula sa philippineslifestyle.com

Maligayang pagdating sa Pilipinas, ang natatanging Katolikong bansa sa timog-silangang Asya!

Dito:

  • ay dapat mag-ingat sa mga mandurukot
  • ay kung saan ang mga magnanakaw sa bayan ay protektado ng “Rule of Law
  • ay dapat mag-ingat sa mga paliparan. Lalo na sa NAIA dahil sa mga “laglag-bala” boys
  • na kung sa kahihiyan ay naghara-kiri na ang mga Hapon, dito ay nagpi-priviledged speech pa
  • ay kung saan ang mga bibo ay yung mga reklamador; maprinsipyo, matapang, at makabayan naman ang mga nangungudeta at nagtatangka ng destabilisasyon
  • na kung saan madalas ibansag ng ibang lahi ang salitang katulong o di kaya’y mga gold-digger na daig pa ang linta kung makakapit sa mga banyagang may limpak-limpak na salapi
  • ay kung saan ko nabasa na dapat na daw palitan ang Pilipinas ng “Alipinas” o di kaya ay “Pilapinas”
  • ay kailangan mag-ingat lalo na ang pagpunta sa katimugang bahagi ng bansa dahil sa banta ng Abu Sayyaf
  • ay kung saan ang mga rebelde ay aktibo sa walang habas na pagpaslang sa mga sundalo’t pulis kung kelan umiiral ang ceasefire
  • ay kulang nalang sabihan ng iba na manghihimod ng pwet ng mga puti upang makalimos lang ng proteksyon sakaling magkaroon ng digmaan
  • kung saan di bale nang mamatay ang mga alagad ng batas. total, parte naman daw yun ng kanilang tungkulin, wag lang yung mga nanggagahasa ng sanggol at yung mga gumagawa ng mga karumal-dumal na krimen dahil sa droga. Dahil may karapatan din sila
  • ay kung saan sapat ang dahilan sa sarili na hikahos sila at api upang humilata nalang at magreklamo habang naghihintay ng tulong ng gobyerno.

Masakit ba? Nakakainis pakinggan di ba?

Oo masakit pakinggan, masakit sa dibdib. Lalo na kung manggagaling pa sa ibang lahi. Para kang nanalamin at naisubsob sa iyong pagmumukha ang katotohanan. Para kang nadapa na imbes tulungan ay inaapakan pa ang ulo mo para mahalikan ang putikan.

In Denial

And when you do hear that I’m still in love with you, it’s not me. It’s the tequila, the Red Horse Beer, any spirit or anything under the sun for that matter. But whoever or whatever it is, it’s not me.

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From fanpop.com

Who me? Still in love with you?! Oh come on honey you know better than that! I loved you back then but that was before. It was over the moment you told me that we’re done.

And no, I’m not missing you.

You were a princess with a smiling face and a katana on hand who carved a big ugly scar in my heart. You left it dilapidated but that’s ok, I can live with that.

Please don’t assume you’re seeing tears. If you see my bloodshot eyes, it’s because I haven’t had enough sleep last night because I watched hell lot of movies that I missed when we’re together. Or, I’ve been out with the guys on a party I chose to turn down because I chose you. No I’m not blaming you for that decision I made. It’s me and I made that choice.

And don’t ever expect to see tears in my eyes if it’s raining hard ok? You’ll more likely see cats and dogs, even in the drizzle. But tears? No way sir.

And when you do hear that I’m still in love with you, it’s not me. It’s the tequila, the Red Horse Beer, any spirit or anything under the sun for that matter. But whoever or whatever it is, it’s not me.

By the way, this song’s for you so that you’ll know. I hope it’s now clear baby. No I’m not the one who said I love you just now. It’s that damn spirit ok?!

Kung Anu-Anong Kauululan sa Loob at Labas ng UV Express VI: Saan Yun?

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“Sigurado ka bang dito sa Pilipinas yan?” Photo from the-stenzels.com

“Uhmm, (kunot ng noo sabay kamot ng ulo) saan yun?”

Siguradong mapapakamot ka ng ulo kung bagito kang taxi, bus, o jeepney driver sa Kamaynilaan at narinig mo kung saan magpapahatid ang ilang pasahero sayo.

Wala kang ideya kung saan yung sinasabi nila? Wag kang mag-alala amigo dahil para sa’yo kung bakit ko naisulat ‘to.

At kung isa ka namang commuter kagaya ko, ay di ka na magugulat pa at mangu-ngunot noo kapag narinig mo ang mga ilalahad kong lugar.

PAALALA: WAG KANG TATAWA NG MALAKAS kapag narinig mo ang mga ito habang may nagbabayad ng pamasahe dahil baka irapan ka ni ate o di kaya’y umbagin ka ni kuya. Kaya kung sensitibo ang iyong pandinig ay pigilan mo ang tumawa kapag marinig mo ang mga to:

Sikihor – katabi ng SM Manila

Is im – katabi ng sikihor

Flad wi – malapit sa Rosario at tulay sa Ortigas Avenue

Pidru Hel – kalye malapit sa PGH

Theft – kung saan dumadaan ang LRT Line 1

“O yupiyupiyupiyupi!!” – sigaw ng mga barker sa sakayan ng jeep sa kanto ng Marcos Hi-Way at Katipunan

Git wi – katabi ng Farmers Plaza sa Cubao

Shoo – Crossing ang tawag kapag nag-intersect na sa EDSA

Sige na, i-type mo na sa comment section sa baba yung gusto mong idagdag at alam kong may naiisip ka pa 😀