Conspiracy Theory

Photo from

Unless you’re a child or you are honing your craft then predictability is a necessity. Otherwise, being predictable has its own evil.

And this includes a predictable thought process.

I for one am a slave to this. And so this challenge of thinking the unthinkable get’s me out of my own created circle once in a while like a restart button to an unresponsive pc. Just like in the following conspiracy theories:

  1. The war in Mindanao, specifically in Marawi City is a way of the political enemies of President Duterte to get him dethroned – with the hand of US in the background.
  2. Or, can be a way of the president and his cronies to get something out of it, like the liberation of the whole Mindanao in exchange of something. Feel free to fill in the blanks.
  3. There is already a cure for cancer and all terminal diseases but they chose not to reveal it because of commercialism.
  4. Why can’t the Arab countries unite when they all basically have the same faith that forged an empire still as powerful as today? Some say that CIA is wreaking havoc to the existing foreign relations in the Middle East.
  5. Why is Africa left out in terms of development? Some say that Europeans are at work here because Africa also has a lot of oil reserves that can dictate the world market, much like the Middle East.
  6. The collapse of the Twin Towers on 9/11. As an engineer, I believe that the building being pulverized while crashing down is not the “correct” behavior. Only controlled demolition employing explosives can do that.

The list goes on and of course you can start adding to this from rationalizing that the behavior of your pesky neighbor is linked to the ISIS, to the belief that the Illuminati is leading the world to a who-knows-where destination.

But remember, this is meant only for mental calisthenics and not for anyone to be a self-made cynic. Believing that something good will come out of people and situations are still the best way forward.

And the strange thing is, when you think of it that way, the universe seems to conspire to make it happen THAT way.

Now that’s a conspiracy theory that rocks.


two piece heart.png
Photo from

Love is like a heart-shaped jigsaw puzzle made up of two pieces. And due to the novelty of our experiences, each puzzle piece have intricate, unique patterns that can fit perfectly to only one piece.

But what people fail to realize is that  it’s not just a trial and error fitting spree. It involves the painful process of refining the edges, cutting an edge to accommodate the other piece, and extending some parts to fill the gaps of the other.

The interesting thing is, this gap that we’re trying to fill in order to piece together this puzzle, is dynamic. Such that, the patterns change in our lifetime and thus the process of cutting, welding, and grinding are perennial processes necessary to keep the love puzzle in perfect fit.



taken from

Mga sasakyang bumabara sa kalsada: traffic.

Ugat na daluyan ng dugong nabarahan sa dibdib: heart attack.

Bumarang mga salita sa aking lalamunan nang makahanap ako ng magandang pagkakataon na kausapin ka: “maal ia”

Mga nautal kong salita na bumara sa tenga mo sabay tawa mo ng malakas: “alam mo nakakatawa ka talaga, para kang yung boyfriend ko”

Buti nalang bumara ang mga luha ko at di tumulo, kunwaring ngumiti ako at napabulong nalang ng : “uang iya, ang ait!

Baradong pagtatapat ng saloobin sayo at basketball na sinalubong ng mga bukas na palad: SUPALPAL!!!

Ano Daw? 1


“She Would’ve Been Here If She Did Love Me”

I don’t know why there is this huge impact of this song to me. I first heard this when I was in junior high school (which was almost two decades now) when the pangs of love missed my heart and went right straight to my balls (Damn! Now I know why love can hurt so much!)

Maybe because I was hoping that Donna (my first love) would dedicate it to me back then. Or that she would tell me the exact same words in the chorus which never happened anyway. Or maybe I romanticized about it all that much.

Or maybe I wont ever know exactly why.

But the lyrics still sticking in my brains after almost 20 years and the message still poignant as when I first heard it? Man, that is way beyond crazy. And that craziness seemed to have resided permanently in me!!

In Denial

And when you do hear that I’m still in love with you, it’s not me. It’s the tequila, the Red Horse Beer, any spirit or anything under the sun for that matter. But whoever or whatever it is, it’s not me.


Who me? Still in love with you?! Oh come on honey you know better than that! I loved you back then but that was before. It was over the moment you told me that we’re done.

And no, I’m not missing you.

You were a princess with a smiling face and a katana on hand who carved a big ugly scar in my heart. You left it dilapidated but that’s ok, I can live with that.

Please don’t assume you’re seeing tears. If you see my bloodshot eyes, it’s because I haven’t had enough sleep last night because I watched hell lot of movies that I missed when we’re together. Or, I’ve been out with the guys on a party I chose to turn down because I chose you. No I’m not blaming you for that decision I made. It’s me and I made that choice.

And don’t ever expect to see tears in my eyes if it’s raining hard ok? You’ll more likely see cats and dogs, even in the drizzle. But tears? No way sir.

And when you do hear that I’m still in love with you, it’s not me. It’s the tequila, the Red Horse Beer, any spirit or anything under the sun for that matter. But whoever or whatever it is, it’s not me.

By the way, this song’s for you so that you’ll know. I hope it’s now clear baby. No I’m not the one who said I love you just now. It’s that damn spirit ok?!

Of Broken-Hearted Men, Songs for the Broken Heart and Good Old Liquor II

You’re there, I’m here

I thought we’re in this together

But it turned out that the “us” that I knew

Is that there’s no you. There’s just me.

Why didn’t you take me with you?

Why is there a need for you to be there and me in here?

Whatever the reason, you’re not meant to be my girl. I’m not the one destined to put a ring on your finger and you’re not the one to bear my children.

Well, time heals all things as they say. Someday when I’m finally over you, I’m going to remember you with a smile on my face wishing and praying for your happiness.

But today, I don’t want to be sober just yet.

And while you’re still here (points to chest), I’m going to drink and miss you.

Then I’m going to drink some more and miss you more and more. You finally got the pattern, right?

Coming Home: The Son of Rock & Roll!

The one proof I have that I was present during that awesome experience aside from my Muziklaban t-shirt. My phone’s broken so I wasn’t able to take photos.

Reg Rubio: Sinong tiga Pasig dito? (Who hails from Pasig here?)

About an eighth of the crowd raised their hands.

Reg Rubio: Home court a. TANG-INA NYO!!! (Home court, huh? MOTHER FUCKERS!!!)

Us, the hyped crowd shouted: TANG-INA MO RIN!!! (YEAH, MOTHER FUCKER!!!)


That’s how it was when I attended the Red Horse Muziklaban a year ago. All are rowdy. Most are in black signature rock shirts. A lot are intoxicated (me included of course!), with nil inhibitions, a lot dancing the muthafuckin’ dance and the delicious loud music that we were all possessed with.

It was my first time to attend such event. But despite that I’m surrounded by complete strangers, I felt that familiar feeling a man would have for his band of brothers. Like all that gathered there were my long-lost brothers. It’s truly strange but they all look familiar. Maybe because it’s the same rock and roll that fathered us and that fast-paced, deafening music was our common lullaby that forged our similar identities.

Then the heart-pounding music began. I was jumping, I was growling, I was shouting at the top of my lungs, I was raising my fist with a lit cigarette in between my fingers. There were no prying eyes to ridicule or stop me. No fear of judgement. It was an opportunity of a lifetime to get lost to the music which struck a very familiar chord in me. It’s like finding a long-lost piece of myself and my soul, indispensable in completing the unfinished puzzle before me.

I felt free.

All the frustrations and rage that was bottled up inside me from time immemorial that reached horrifying proportions exploded into a one massive meltdown.

I was reduced to ashes.

And yet, borne out of the ashes I came out singing, screaming, shouting, head banging and dancing to the beat of the fast-paced rhythm with all inhibitions, fear and doubt hastily evaporating with every pound of the drums, scream of the lead guitars and the liberating growls. No longer am I compelled to act like everyone else in the outside world because here, I found that piece of myself along with the courage to live it. No I’m not alone, I have brothers and sisters, I have a family there who welcomed me with arms wide open and a liter of ice-cold Redhorse beer.

Suddenly I was meeting life’s stare head-on with the unwavering eyes of a beast ready to rock the moment and write my own rock and roll story.

My throat itched like it was just sandblasted. But what the hell, I was home!

And though the scene may seem nothing but total chaos, I felt something I never felt in a long time – I was home. There was this unfathomable peace that settled in my soul amidst the chaotic environment. I was fucking home!

I am a son of rock and roll!

The realization was too much. My emotions were welling up, like a wall of tsunami only God can avert.

I was reduced to tears thinking I’ve come home. No I’m not a nomad nor a vagabond in this life because I have a home. Fuck, this is my home. Rock and roll is my home. Yes, I am finally home!


If you’ve never been into a lovely mayhem before, you can check this video. This is Slapshock’s “Ngayon Na” the last piece played by that awesome, awesome band. ml/!!!!

You might also want to view some photos. You can have a peek here in Niña Sandejas’ blog:

All love, all rock and roll,


Construction Worker Ako

Parang ganito… Photo from

Siyang tunay mga pre.

Awa ng Dios e hindi naman ako yung nauutusan bumuhat ng semento, maghukay ng pundasyon, magpalitada, at bumaluktot ng bakal. Kahit papano e ako na yung nagu-utos sa foreman. Ganun pa man ay construction worker parin na matatawag ang mga nagtatrabaho sa construction area kesehudang structural engineer ka man, project engineer, project architect, o operator ng backhoe.

Mahirap sa site lalo na kapag civil contractor ka. Dapat e para kang ATV na sala sa putik at alikabok, araw at ulan, sa patag o rolling hills.

Dati kasi noong bata pa akong enhinyero e naranasan ko ang hirap ng nasa construction site (tang-ina eto nanaman tayo. Pero sige na nga total sa awa naman ng Dios e 10 taon na akong enhinyero ngayon.) Sobrang stressful para sakin ang mga unang taon ko bilang enhinyero. Pagkamalas malas nga lang at na-stress at pumangit ako nung mga panahong pilit akong nagpapapogi – umitim at naging kutis-bayag ang balat ko at pumayat ako ng todo.

Pero buti nalang ngayon at structural designer na ako at wala na ako sa construction site. Ngunit kahit naging mahirap para sakin ang pagiging site engineer e marami naman akong naging nakakatuwang karanasan:

  • Naging pahinante ako ng dumptruck.

Madaling araw. Byaheng Balara hanggang sa harap ng SM Marikina. Para malabanan ang antok ay sumasabay ako sa mga dumptruck namin na may kargang lupang panambak mula sa hinuhukay namin sa project site. Sa pagiging pahinante ko rin unang narating ang Litex at Tungko.

  • Natutunan kong mag-sign language.

Para mautusan mo ang tower crane operator habang nasa taas siya ay kelangan mong matutunan mag-rigger. Sign language siya, gamit ang dalawang kamay. Di mo siya pwedeng duru-duruin o pakyuhin kapag inis na inis ka dahil pwede ka niyang bagsakan ng kung anong buhat buhat niya.

Ang tower crane. Wala pong inodoro sa taas. Ang larawan ay mula sa
  • Nakaakyat na ako sa tower crane.

Kung anong taas ng project, ay dapat mas mataas ang tower crane. Para kang nasa tuktok ng mundo. Kadalasan e tuwing lunch break at uwian tuwing hapon lang nakakababa ang mga tower crane operator kaya madalas ay may baon na silang pagkain at bote para gawing ihian. Malas lang niya kapag natatae siya dahil walang inodoro sa taas.

  • Nakakaadik ang amoy ng concrete mix at aspalto.

Buti nalang at hindi ito nakakatuyo ng utak gaya ng solvents. May side effect nga lang: nakakagutom.

Kung gusto mong respetuhin ka sa construction site e kelangan alam mo magmura ng tama. Not too harsh but not too soft. Kelangan tumutulak ka at bumabatak ka at the same time.

  • Naibuking ko ang sarili kong natutulog ako sa oras ng trabaho.

Hiyang-hiya ako sa sarili ko nun pero ngayon e nangingisi nalang ako tuwing maaalala ko. Panggabi ang pasok ko nun gawa nung magdamag na operation namin. Napapansin ng project manager ko tuwing umaga na maayos ang bed sa loob ng clinic. Kaya nung isang araw na nagpang-abot kami e tinanong niya ako sa gitna ng ibang staff.

“Natutulog ka ba?” tanong niya sakin.

“Hindi sir” todo tanggi ako.

“E san ka natutulog?” tanong niya ulit.

“Sa bed sir.”

Minsan talaga e dumadating ang katangahan sa perpektong pagkakataon.


Pero alam nyo ba na ang mga laborer sa construction ang mga tunay na pinagpala at hindi mga nasa Vatican? Totoo. Sila ang mga pinagpala, pinaghukay, pinaghalo ng semento…