Classified Ads

…Ideal for adrenaline junkies who’s too bored to live a peaceful and meaningful life and too lazy to kill themselves…

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Seen in an entry in the classified ads section of a local broad sheet:

Looking for work? Be jobless no more!

Come and Join Any of the MAUTE GROUP OF COMPANIES:

  • Abu Sayyaf Group Inc. (Terrorism at Its Best!)
  • BIFF Holdings Inc. (Atrocity? Terrorism? ♪We Got Them All for You♫)
  • CPP-NPA-NDF and Partners (Guaranteed to Make War When There’s Peace)
  • MNLF Banking Corp. (Financing Your Way to Worldwide Terror)
  • MILF Inc. (The Maker of Quality Bombs)

A Proud Member of the ISIS International, Jemaah Islamiyah Global, and Al Qaeda World and funded by first world countries.

Benefits Include:

  1. Lifetime permanent employment status (♪you can check out anytime you like but you can never leave)
  2. Embedded wellness package: Lifetime hike in the woods
  3. Good compensation with monthly supply of ammos
  4. Instant worldwide fame: in the terrorist galleries of the Interpol, FBI, and NBI
  5. Gives worth to its employees with bounties reaching up to millions of dollars depending on the number of years’ experience
  6. Ideal for adrenaline junkies who’s too bored to live a peaceful and meaningful life and too lazy to kill themselves

Other benefits:

  • Physical training by world class trainers fresh from Syria, Malaysia, and Indonesia
  • Free course in Extremism 1 to Extremism 5
  • Free technical/vocational course in bomb making. No laboratory fees!

For inquiries, contact the following:

Isnilon “Toto, Toni” Totoni Hapilon or the Maute Big Brothers

Address: Sometimes Here St., Brgy. Sometimes There, Oftentimes Nowhere Province, Mindanao, Philippines

And/or

JOMA “Gwaping” SISON

Address: The Netherlands

Author: The Romantic Alpha

Aside from physical and intellectual strength, a man is also given a heart to feel and share love and value. Dive into the mind of the alpha, feel his heart beat, and let me carry you with my strong yet gentle hands. I'm continuously innovating myself to be a better man, husband, father, friend, and structural engineer. Love's not overrated. The world needs the true essence of which.

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