My ears are ringing deaf because of my own noise.
I’m not usually this talkative in writing (writative or whatever the fuck you want to coin it!) This is my first time to actually experience this and so this is very new to me. I was trying hard to convince myself that I am not going against my true temperament of being quiet and meditative, which is my other term for daydreaming.
Talking and writing is different. I really don’t write much before. I am actually waiting for some inspiration to somewhat like posses me and lift my hand to go nuts and write. I was trying to cultivate discipline in me to just write and not to wait for magical moments before scribbling anything.
But maybe, sometimes you just have to write.
It’s like bleeding to death and you’re out of blood and yet you must bleed in order to die.
Ok if it’s too morbid for you, I’ll use the shitroom (bathroom) analogy: you feel the need to let your shit out because if you don’t, your digestive system is fucked up. And so you let your shit have a roller coaster ride along the plumbing system and then that’s it. Everybody is a winner, everybody goes home happy – you for emptying your gut and your shit for the ride of its life.
I’ve done myself and my shit a favor. And yet I hate this noise. In writing too much and posting “regularly” for quite sometime now, it’s like being in a party that i had no intention of attending. I’m going nuts for all these clamor.
Maybe sometimes, I just need to shut the fuck up.
To write or to shut the fuck up and just be? Oh what a fucking choice to make…