I miss the time when I can just jot down whenever, wherever, and whatever I have in mind.
Not every day though that I have the luxury of doing it. There are moments where I am not busy, waiting for a new project and a new assignment. And while I am browsing e-books on engineering in my pc, my notes are also open ready to receive the bleeding ink.
With the current project I have, however, I am a full-time structural engineer which requires full-time concentration. There must be no idle moments or the design is totally screwed.
Constantly, a voice at the back of my mind demands that I should produce something. Like a boss that demands a written report. Sometimes it’s a romantic request (“come here honey, give me some love…”), and sometimes it transforms into the ultimate nagger (“take that garbage out you lazy sloth!!!”).
That voice, which was hardly audible not so long ago, already grew loud enough to get my soul out of my flesh.
Although when I’m writing regularly, I feel as if it is already a chore, something that I “have” to do and not something that I love to do. The good thing is I can write spontaneously my first draft without myself standing on my own way. No ifs, no buts. Just jotting whatever is caught in my dream catcher.
When I’m not writing regularly, if feel that there is something, a big one missing. It had become what others would say as therapy blogging. As Francis Bacon puts it “… and writing an exact man.” Boundaries of concerns become clearer and a ton of burden lifting off my shoulders. It’s like I have my own sexy, female blonde psychological stress debrief-er.
Writing has benefitted my personal and working life so well that:
1. it continuously improves my speech and vocabulary. Working on a British company drives you to be mindful of your English. I find it weird enjoying reading the dictionary.
2. it makes me read more. Self helps, crazy mementos, extraordinary news, anything that entertains. Novels? Rarely now. When I read a novel I wouldn’t want to close it unless it’s finished.
3. it was a key to tapping into another dimension of yourself. Everyone just got to have a ventilation system. I’m more than my profession; I’m more of a person. I’m an engineer and a writer.
To write or not to write? I may have to admit that there are moments that I’m going loco over my stats on how frequent that I would visit my site in order to have a stat for a long stretch of time.
Nevertheless, I’m a writer who writes his thoughts and I won’t give up on that. I may not earn a fortune like E.L. James or be a renowned writer/drinker genius like Edgar Allan Poe (I just drink moderately) but I will still continue to write. At least there would be one less insane fellow in the world…